Top 20 lamest jokes on the Internet:

20. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

19. I went to buy some camouflage pants the other day, but I couldn’t find any.

18. What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh.

17. What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, because its good for hot dogs.

16. What do you get if you cross a cow and a camel? A lumpy milkshake.

15. How can you get four suits for a dollar? Buy a deck of cards.

14. A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

13. A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don't know, it all happened so fast.”

12. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb in an oak tree and act like a nut.

11. What do John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Their middle name.

10. What lies at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.

9. A woman took her dog to the vet "Doctor," she said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move.
"Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor.
"How much do I owe you?" the lady asks.
"$345," says the doctor.
"$345!!?" the lady asks.
"Yes that will be $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."

8. An 80 year old couple was having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.

The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?" He replied, "To the kitchen." She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replied, "Sure." She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He said, "No, I can remember that."

She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that." He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"

7. What is the difference between a normal man and Superman? Man wears underwear under the pants and Superman wears it over his pants.

6. I told my doctor that I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

5. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and you can get rid of him for the entire weekend.

4. If winning isn’t everything why do we keep score?

3. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

1.Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night. One was assaulted.

For additional laughs:

• Aha Jokes.com - a websites full of thousands of jokes to please all kinds.
• Jokes & Humor Websites - a lising of jokes sites.
• The Onion – America’s Finest News Source - a satirical fake news organization.
• Fake Diplomas - great practical joke ideas.